Plum Purple
by Immorura
Summary: I never thought I'd ever make a parody. Janet Evanovich's characters and a classic fairy tale went well together. Can you guess which one?


"Urgh! The little tramp!" Joyce Barnhardt's lips curled in disgust as she looked out the window with narrowed eyes.

Stephanie Plum was in the muscular arms of non-other than Trenton's sexiest bounty hunter, Carlos Manoso or _Ranger_ to those who knew him well. She smiled up at him with her arms around his neck while his were around her waist.

They had been talking for a while after Ranger had brought in the body receipt for a high-bonded skip. Their conversation couldn't be heard through the glass but the body language and gestures gave off some hints.

Joyce watched whilst making vomiting noises as Ranger kissed Stephanie on the forehead before seeming to ask her something that made her cheeks turn bright pink. She gave a small grin before nodding.

"She's practically all over him the little slut!" Joyce sneered.

"Pfft! You're one t' talk!" Connie scoffed, leaning back in her office chair with folded arms. "I don't recall Stephanie ever destroyin' marriages or breakin' up couples, d' you, Lula?"

"Nuh-uh!" Lula said, shaking her head. "And if I remember clearly, I seem to remember Steph's ex braggin' about how you rode him better than her. Remember that, Connie?"

"How could I forget?!"

Joyce stuck her nose in the air. "As if I would ever ask a couple of discount hoarders for their opinion! What does _Ranger _see in her anyway? She doesn't exactly look like a model on a playboy magazine!"

"An' she doesn't exactly look like a skanky whore either!" Connie snarled.

"Or act like one!" Lula contributed.

Joyce jeered. "Ha! I've had men from all across America, on their knees begging for my attention thanks to my wardrobe and fabulous beauticians! _And what's Plum got? _Discount rejects and a rat!"

"Then those _men _tha' you call must 'ave been blind or horny enough lookin' for a' easy ride. The more I look at you, Barnhardt, the more you like a goldfish wearin' a wig!" Lula bantered. "I don't know about you, Connie, but I think Steph is kinda cute lookin' from a _hetero_ point of view. Y'know wha' am sayin', with those big bright baby blue eyes?"

Connie nodded with a beaming smile. "An' her gorgeous chestnut curls?"

"And her dazzlin' smile?"

"An' her cute button nose?"

"Hell no wonder Ranger is nuts about her, she's friggin' adorable!"

"We should start callin' her Trenton's sweetheart!"

Joyce turned her back on them just in time to see Stephanie and Ranger engaged in a deep kiss. The sight of it made her brain fizz and imaginary steam blow out her ears.

_You need to your place, Plum, _She thought. _Even if you have to learn the hard way…_

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Joe Morelli blew out an agitated sigh as he noticed Joyce Barnhardt coming towards him; swinging her hips.

He was sitting at a table outside a small café while on his lunch hour, previously enjoying the time to read his newspaper until the infamous _woman of the streets_ stood before him, wearing a very low-cut halter neck, skin tight jeans, knee high boots and a smirk on her pouty lips.

"Shouldn't you be working, Barnhardt?" Joe asked, turning back to his paper.

"I decided to take the rest of the day off." Joyce replied leaning forward with her hand on the table and giving him a perfect view of her _assets._

"Somebody stole your corner, huh?"

The smirk morphed into a glare. "You should be careful what you say to me, Morelli- especially when I want you to do an important job for me."

Joe looked at her. "What makes you think _I _would do a job for you?"

She shrugged. "Oh I don't know. Maybe if it involves a secret and your grandmother…."

He put down his newspaper without breaking eye contact. Any thoughts of banter disappeared. "What does my grandmother have to do with you? If she put _the eye_ on you then what the hell took her so long?!"

Joyce smiled. "It's actually what will happento her _and you_ if you don't agree."

Joe gave her a long hard stare before asking, "What kind of job?"

She grinned, "I want you to take Stephanie Plum out of town, maybe outside one of the state parks-a wooded area, perhaps. _Somewhere no one will see you kill her."_

His jaw dropped. "W-what?!"

"You heard me. _Kill; slay; dispatch; execute; eradicate!"_

"Why?!"

The smirk returned. "To cut it short. She needs to learn what she does and does _not, _deserve."

"That's no reason at all! And so what if I don't do it?"

Joyce straightened up and folded her arms. "I seem to recall a little while ago, your Grandma Bella being held for possessing a weapon without a licence and using it at the bonds office…but somebody _accidently_ terminated the case by purposely messing with the system at the same police department that her grandson works at…"

"You're blackmailing a cop, Barnhardt!"

"Think of all the scandal the Morelli family will go through when the Berg gets wind of it. I doubt anyone will be able to look at you or your family the same way ever again…I'm pretty sure deleted files leave a trace and finding them is kids play to a tech-nerd…."

Joe scowled at her but looked away. He closed his eyes as he let out a sigh. "What do you want me to do exactly?"

The smirk returned. "Bring me back her heart by cutting it out with this." She leaned to one side to pull something out of her boot. She dropped a narrow bladed dagger with an onyx black handle onto the table. "_Don't shoot her. _It'll draw attention and the bullet will be analysed if her corpse is found. Also, get rid of the dagger. Bury it, throw it in a river, I don't care! Just make sure it's never found."

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"Okay, open your eyes Babe."

Stephanie felt Ranger place a kiss on the base of her neck after fastening something around it. She opened her eyes and breathed in a silent gasp. A bright blue tourmaline jewel heart pendant hung above her bust from a silver chain.

"Ranger…it's beautiful…" She looked back up at him with a sweet smile. "My birthstone."

Ranger smiled back. "It's so you remember how much you mean to me, but nothing is more valuable than my love for you."

He held her close to him before she could collapse from the heart-melting sweetness of his affection. Stephanie smiled contently as she wrapped her arms around his waist while listening to his steady heartbeat.

"You're too good to me." She sighed. "I mean, how many of your cars have gotten blown up when you send them to me?"

"37," Ranger replied. "And counting."

She looked up at him. "You've been keeping track?"

"No. The _Merry Men _are. They keep score of the bets on a tally chart on 3."

Stephanie grinned. "Who's in the lead?"

"It's a tie between Lester and Cal." He caressed the side of her face. "The cars don't matter to me but I'm always thankful you're never in them when they get bombed."

"_That's sweet."_

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"_Hey…Cupcake. _Are you doing anything right now?_" _

Stephanie blinked in surprise as she heard Joe's voice on the other end of the receiver.

"Oh…Hi…Joe, it's been a while." She sensed his agitation in the uneasy silence. "No, I'm not at the moment, I'm just at home. You okay?"

"Yeah! Uh, I mean…_yeah…_" He blurted out. "Sorry…Just a little distracted…with…with work and all. Anyway, I wanted to know if you…you wanted to join me and Bob for a walk."

"…A walk?"

"Y-yeah. I realised that Bob is yours too and we…we never really took him out, you know…_together…_as his owners…_"_

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you up to something, Morelli?"

"N-no of course not! I mean, yeah I do miss being with you but I'm not trying to win you back or anything, no offence."

"None taken."

"And I know you're happy with Manoso, Cupcake. Even if we're not together anymore…I do want us to still be friends…"

She had to smile. "_Just friends, _right Joe. With no added benefits?"

"….Can I still hug you?"

She laughed. "Sure. Where are you planning on walking? Just around town?"

Joe didn't reply straight away. "Erm…I was thinking more outside the forest parks are…y'know so Bob can… run around and everything."

"Ok. Sounds good. What time?"

Stephanie heard him take in a deep breath. "I'll pick you up in 20 minutes…How many bags do you think we'll need?"

"Who's _we?!"_

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They drove in silence with Bob crushing Stephanie's lap in the passenger seat.

Joe wasn't as talkative as he usually was. He only spoke when she made a few attempts to start a conversation. He didn't even laugh when Bob left a trail of slobber on her cheek.

After a while, they stopped at a forsaken looking area filled with trees and rocky surfaces. Stephanie opened the car door and was nearly knocked out when Bob leapt out and started running and sniffing around.

"What made you choose this place?" She asked Joe as he joined her side after he locked the car door.

He shrugged. "It's quiet."

Stephanie looked at her phone. "I'll say. There's no reception here. That means I have a good excuse to ignore my mom!"

He gave her a smile that never reached his eyes. "Ditto."

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Bob expressed his happiness by galloping around the grounds with his tongue hanging out and barking with delight.

"N'aaaw!" Stephanie cooed as she turned to Joe. "He looks so happy. This was a great idea Joe."

Joe gave her another empty smile and a modest shrug. "…Kind of makes me wish we did this when we were still together."

She blinked at him. "But…we can still do it just as friends though, right?"

He didn't answer her.

Stephanie gave up with small talk and switched her eyes to Bob. _He had disappeared._

"Hey! Where'd Bob go? He's just vanished!"

"I wouldn't worry, Cupcake. He always comes back when he's hungry. Let's just…move on. He can't have gone far."

There was something oddly leaden about his tone and attitude. Although Stephanie didn't pester him with any more questions as they both walked on a few more yards ahead.

After half an hour, they heard barking nearby and the agitated honking and quacking of some ducks and geese. Bob sounded as though he was having the time of his life- unlike the birds.

Stephanie yawned and stretched her back. "How long have been walking for?"

Joe, who stood a few feet behind her, looked at his watch. "About 2 and half hours."

"2 and half hours?! Jeez! Where did the time go? We'll have been gone for 5 hours by the time we get back to the car."

When he didn't reply, Stephanie turned to him and felt every muscle in her body freeze like a block of ice.

Joe held a dagger like knife in his fist, frowning blankly at her.

"Joe…Where did you get that?"

He didn't respond but started to approach her.

Her heart leapt into her throat as he neared her. When they were nearly 2 feet from each other, Stephanie immediately started to back away.

"Joe, what are you doing? This isn't funny, you're scaring me!"

His expression didn't change as he spoke. "Don't make this any harder, Stephanie…"

The emotionless tone his voice was all it took for her to turn and start sprinting.

She didn't dare risk glancing over her shoulder but she could hear his running footsteps in sync with her own.

Tears threatened to blur her vision but she blinked them away rapidly as her chest began to burn and her heart pressured to fracture her ribcage.

Stephanie made her way into a heavily wooded area; zig-zagging her way around trees and leaping over rocks and boulders.

She came across a large tree with roots that were like gnarled fingers of a giant. She ducked down against them whilst trying to control her breathing and waited, straining her ears for any sign of him.

After a minute, Stephanie carefully stole out of her hiding place while taking care not to make a sound. Her eyes searched the woods frantically as her heart continued to thump. She breathed in deep and quiet breaths in an effort to calm herself before deciding to give it the all clear.

She had lost him.

Letting out a long sigh, Stephanie began to walk in a similar direction from where she had created her escape route as questions swarmed her head like a nest of angry wasps.

What had gotten into Joe? Was he jealous because she and Ranger were together? But would he really go to such lengths?

Then again, he was a police detective. He knew how it worked. He knew how to avoid the mistakes that most criminals made. He knew how to make it credulous.

Stephanie knew she needed help and Ranger was the first person who came to mind. She took out her phone and checked the signal.

_Zilch…._

"_Damn it!"_ She muttered, stuffing it back into her pocket. All she could do was keep on walking but exhaustion had finally caught up with her.

She had only made it a few yards away from her hiding tree when something grabbed her arm and yanked her back. Stephanie yelped as she impulsively resisted against the grip on her and was met face to face with Joe once more.

"Let me go!" She shrieked.

Joe's face was red from the chase but remained void of any emotion. "Struggling won't help, Stephanie." His voice was toneless.

Without thinking, she sent a sharp jab to his ribs with her elbow. Joe grunted, loosening his hold on her arm and Stephanie seized the opportunity of absconding for the second time.

But with her energy spent on the first run, only adrenaline stimulated her motivation for escape. She ignored the screaming muscles in her legs and the sweat dribbling down her face and back as she risked a glance over her shoulder to see Joe pursuing her again.

Stephanie skidded to a halt, breaking just in time before she almost sent herself plummeting off a high ledge of a cliff. Her cell phone slipped from her hand and hurtled down to the sharp and rocky foundations below and shattered into pieces.

She turned in time to find Joe slowly stalking towards her, holding the dagger out in front of him. Stephanie reversed while tracing the direction of the ledge which led to the walls of some more high cliffs and trees sprouting large roots. There was nowhere left to run…

She _couldn't_ run. Both her energy and adrenaline levels had dried up. It was a wonder her legs were still able to support her until her foot caught in a tree root which made her fall backwards on to her rear-end.

In a last attempt, Stephanie scurried back as far as she could despite Joe's vast impending over her.

"_Joe…Please…" _Tears welled in her eyes as a sob locked in her throat. She watched him crouch down closer to her. _"Don't do this…I beg you…"_

Clenching the dagger in his fist, he grabbed her by the hair above the nape of her neck with his free hand and tugged it so her throat was imperilled and her chest thrust out. The tears could no longer be controlled as they slid down her cheeks. Joe's expression never faulted at her plea as he raised the blade high above her.

She closed her eyes before throwing her arms in front of her face; not wanting to see her blood spill as she waited for the pain the sharpness would bring as it sliced through her flesh.

"…_I…I can't…."_

Slowly, Stephanie peered up to see Joe's pained contortion; his eyes glazed in agony as the dagger shook in his hand.

He let go off her and threw the dagger so it hurled over the edge of the cliff, letting out a bellow of anguish as he did.

Joe looked back at Stephanie. His chest heaved and tear stains tainted his cheeks with penitence in his gaze.

"_Cupcake…"_ He whispered, his voice cracking into a shaky sob. He fell to his knees and threw himself onto Stephanie; burying his face into her shoulder as he clasped her to him. _"I'm so sorry…P-please forgive me…" _

Stephanie stared completely stunned as she let him lament against her. _"Joe…why…?"_

He looked back up at her. "I didn't have a choice…she blackmailed me…"

"…Who?"

"_Barnhardt…" _Joe spat. "She told me to take you here and bring back your heart or she'd threaten my family."

It was like her whole body was hollowed out into an empty shell. "Wh-what the hell as gotten into her?!"

He shook his head. "Beats me, I thought she was always insane since we were kids." He looked her in the eye. "But Stephanie, if she finds out you're still breathing…God knows what she'll do to the both of us…"

He helped her up before taking off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. He looked at his watch "We've got some time before nightfall and it looks like you might have to camp out here until this whole episode is dealt with. I'll come back before dark and bring you some camping supplies."

Joe dug into his pocket and gave her his two-way radio. "I have a spare in the car and this way, it'll be easier to find you." He stared at her with painful eyes as he shook his head. "Steph…I'm so sorry…"

"Joe…" She placed a hand on his arm. "She blackmailed you. It's not your fault. Besides, what are you going to do now if you show up without my heart?"

"I'll go to the butchers when I get back to town. They'll have some remains that I can substitute."

Stephanie bit her lip. "What about my family? And Lula and Connie and…and…" Fresh tears brimmed in her eyes.

"Ranger," Joe finished for her with sad bearing. "You leave that to me. I'll also check in on Rex. If anything happens, I'll let you know. You do the same."

She nodded as he enveloped her into a tight hug. "I'll be back soon. Take care."

After kissing the top of her head, Joe jogged off into a run; leaving her alone.

As soon as he was out of sight, fresh tears fell freely down her cheeks. Stephanie slid her arms into the sleeves of the jacket and zipped it up.

Since it looked like she would be spending some time in the forest, the first motive that came to mind was finding a source of water.

Stephanie didn't know the forest well or knew any strategies for finding one, all she could do now was start walking.

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The aftermath of the chase had finally taken effect. Her throat was dry, her limbs ached and she felt the little energy she had left drain by the second.

Stephanie would have sold her soul to the devil himself for a tank full of water, a hot shower and a warm bed.

The sun was starting to set and she had heard nothing from Joe. She must have been walking for hours and yet she couldn't even find a puddle.

She strained her ears; wondering if she was near civilisation. But only the sounds of the forest answered her.

Unable to move another step, Stephanie let herself fall against a tree and closed her eyes while pulling the jacket tighter around herself.

She wondered how long she would last.

Through the night? Until morning?

If that was all her time left on earth then why couldn't she just breathe her last breath there and now and save her from the agony of dehydration and hypothermia?

There were so many people she would leave behind…Her family, Lula, Connie, Mary-Lou, Rex, Bob, Joe, the _Merry Men_…._Ranger…_

Stephanie had no more tears left to shed as she touched the pendant around her neck. She doubted even Ranger could save her now.

"Stephanie? Stephanie Plum?"

Her eyes snapped open and landed on the last person she thought she'd see.

Randy Briggs stood gawking at her. He was wearing a Khaki green pith shirt with matching shorts and explorer's helmet. He had dark brown knee high socks on his stubby legs with his feet clad in beige hiking boots. A pair of binoculars hung around his neck.

"_Br-Briggs…" _Stephanie whispered; too relieved to laugh at how comical he looked. "What are you doing here?"

"I like t' bird-watch. It's very fulfilling an' y'know…. I'm kinda a sucker for animals."

She smiled weakly as the events of him saving her hamster and minion Chihuahuas came to mind.

"Anyway never mind what I'm doin'. What the hell are you doin' 'ere an' in this state?!"

Teardrops fell from her eyes as she closed them. "Joyce Barnhardt…wants me dead…" She sniffed.

"Wha'!" Briggs exclaimed. "That bitch?! Wha' da heck is wrong with her?!"

Stephanie told him the whole story despite the aching of her raspy throat. Briggs listened with his face filled with disbelief.

Once she finished, he shook his head. "I knew tha' skank was the biggest….err…well, you know, but it doesn't sound like you did anythin'. I mean, I know what it's like havin' people wantin' me dead, but over time I realised I kinda had it comin'. Ya sure ya haven't go' any idea why she's bloody thirsty?"

"No, other than she's completely nuts."

"Good possibility but I personally think she's just a tramp. Anyway," He held his hand out to her. "C'mon."

She blinked at him. "Where? I can't go back home."

"T' my new place! I got a great bungalow -since I can't reach the stairs- with the cash from my new job. I know most of the time you 'n' me never saw eye t' eye, but I really hate Barnhardt. And since I scrounged off you, you can scrounge off me 'til this whole fiasco is over. Can you walk? It's only a couple of miles from here."

Stephanie gave him her best smile as she took his hand. "Yeah, thank you so much Briggs."

Briggs' face went red. "…_Yeah…Whatever…"_

After a hot shower, warm meal and several bottles of beer and sodas, Stephanie was ready to hibernate.

She was now wearing a men's extra small grey shirt and shorts pyjama set, which had apparently been given to Briggs as an experiment to find normal clothes that would fit him.

"I bet this is what you expected, eh _Snow White?"_ He said with an unusual banter to his tone.

Briggs' home, from what Stephanie could describe, was literally like walking into the Seven Dwarves' cottage -or one story luxury home with designer furnishing and 78 inch plasma screen HD TV.

"Well, if you add 6 other men about your size, then yeah." Stephanie grinned.

He grinned back. "_Heigh-ho!" _

They both laughed.

"Hey don't give me ideas! I might find 6 other little guys and get you a dress like the one in the Disney movie…but more _risqué._"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Me, as Snow White?"

"Yeah. You got the blue eyes and the dark hair. Paint ya lips red and ya good to go."

Stephanie pouted slightly. "I'm not that pale…am I?"

Briggs shrugged. "I'm no expert on skin tone. Have you called anyone yet?"

"Joe told me to let him know if anything happens but he's not at home so I left a message on his answering machine. I would have called Ranger and the rest of my family but my phone got smashed. Joe's home number is the only one I know off by hard."

"Don't you know your old home number?"

"My dad changed it hoping my grandma would get confused so she would be put in a retirement home. It didn't work and now they're stuck with it."

"Jeez…" He looked at her, "You look exhausted. Why don't you get some shut-eye? The guest room is down da hall an' second door on the right."

She nodded before getting up. "Good idea. And Briggs," She leant down and kissed his cheek. "Thanks again for everything. I'm really grateful."

Briggs' whole face turned cherry red. "Nah, don't mention it…"

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"Did you do it?"

Joe handed her a small bag. Joyce took it with a nasty smirk and looked inside it.

"Ick! Disgusting…" She looked up at him. "I didn't think you had it in you, Morelli. Did she put up much of a fight?"

Joe showed no emotion. "She never stood a chance." He said coldly.

Joyce laughed heartily. "Oh I wish I was there too watch!" She frowned suddenly. "Wait a minute…You're wearing the same clothes I saw you in this morning and they're still spotless….Why aren't they soaked in Plum's blood?!"

He tutted and rolled his eyes. "_For crying out loud…_Barnhardt, I'm a cop! D'you think I wouldn't take precautions? I changed clothes before I did…_you know what,_ and had them burned to get rid of the evidence."

She blinked at him. "I see. Good thinking Morelli."

Joe turned his back on her. "Whatever…We're done. I did my part of the deal so now you stay the hell away from me!"

Without waiting for her reply, he walked away.

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"Hey Lula," Connie asked. "Have you seen Steph recently? She hasn't shown up in a couple of days."

Lula stared at her. "No. Come to think of it…I haven't seen her here since we started callin' her _Trenton's Sweetheart…"_

Connie blinked in surprise. "That's not like her…" A smirk appeared on her lips. "Maybe she 'n' Ranger ran away to somewhere!" She looked at the pile of files next to her on the desk. "But then again, I would know to give these skips to Barnhardt…She wouldn't go nowhere without tellin' us…Would she?"

"Hell no!" Lula said. "She knows we'd nag her until she spilled the beans so she knows to tell us anyway….Actually, I do remember seeing her with Morelli and that big Chewbacca mutt of theirs in Morelli's car…the same day…"

She pressed her lips together before picking up the phone. "Le' me give Ranger a call. This is strange…"

"Are you sure she was last seen with Morelli?"

Ranger's aura penetrated the atmosphere of the office. Lula had forgotten to be incited.

"Uh-huh. An' we ain't seen her since."

"You sure she hasn't been with you, Carlos?" Connie asked. "This is gettin' really worryin'."

Ranger looked at her with gentle eyes. "I'm sure. And you were right to call me. This isn't like Stephanie…"

Lula gulped. "You don't think…somethin's happened to her, do ya?"

A heavy silence enveloped them before he spoke. "I hope not. But I'm going to have a talk with Morelli…"

Connie and Lula exchanged glances at the coldness of his words.

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"There you go little guy."

Joe watched as Rex, the wonder hamster, scampered out of his soup can and headed straight to the food bowl he had laid out for him.

After changing his water bottle, he grabbed the spare set of apartment keys before heading out the front door and locking it.

But as he stuffed them into his pocket, he felt the cold barrel of a revolver against the back of his neck as the click of the safety switched off sounded in his ears.

"_Morelli…"_ Ranger's soft growl echoed in the hall way. "_We need to talk."_

Joe slowly turned to face him, the barrel of the gun now focused on the middle of his face. He met his eye before speaking. "I suppose it is about Stephanie."

Ranger's eyes narrowed. "You were the last person she was seen with before she suddenly disappeared. She's not answering her cell phone and she hasn't been home for almost 3 days. _Where is she?"_

He took in a deep breath before answering. "I'll tell you, but not-"

"Anything you have to say can be said here!" Ranger snapped, his grip on the gun tightening.

Joe stared at him for a moment before nodding slowly. "All right…" He swallowed before continuing. "A…_Lunatic _threatened my family if I didn't agree to do a job for them. They also have something against Stephanie, saying that she _needs to learn what she does and does not deserve._"

Ranger blinked at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know. But…they gave me a dagger and told me to take her somewhere far away from here and…and kill her…and bring them back her heart…"

Ranger grabbed him by the neckline of his shirt and slammed him against the door. "You better be lying, Morelli!" He snarled, the gun now aiming at his jaw.

"Christ Manoso let me finish! I didn't kill her!" Joe cried before letting out a shaking breath. "I _couldn't _kill her…"

"Then where the hell is she?!"

"I don't know…But I took her to the outside of the state park. It's full of trees and rocks and it's impossible to get a signal from anyway. I gave her my jacket and a two way radio because I knew she'd have to hide for a while until it was safe for her to come home. I told her I would go back to bring her some camping gear, but when I did…she was gone. I couldn't get hold of her…I've been going back ever since trying to find her, but…" He closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

He felt the gun lower from his jaw. "Who was it that wanted her dead?"

Joe shook his head without looking up. "I can't say. But I went to the butcher's and got a fresh pig's heart to give them."

Ranger let go of him. "You don't know what's in that forest. You might as well have just killed her!"

Joe looked at him horrified. "What else could I have done?! I've been searching for her with every waking moment I have!"

"The why didn't you call me or one of my men? She'll be weak from dehydration for being in the forest for that long."

He didn't answer straightway. His eyes fell to the floor as the nausea of regret tainted his stomach. "But would you have believed me despite of the damn love triangle Steph was in? Would you trust me even when she picked you over me?"

Joe looked up and glared at him.

Ranger returned the scowl. "I see where you're coming from." He said quietly. "But just remember, Morelli, even if it's a false alarm or some stupid prank, don't _ever_ forget that'd I'd never risk Stephanie's safety, _for anything._"

Joe blinked at him. "For real? You'll help look for her?"

He replied with a single nod. "But tell me. Who threatened your family?"

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_A heart of a pig?! That lying bastard!_

Joyce stormed out of the lobby, heading towards the parking lot. Her stiletto heeled boots jabbing the ground as she stomped her way to her car.

Earlier she had noticed Ranger making his way towards Stephanie's apartment. With a rehearsed tragic story and skin-tight outfit accessorised with 35 karat diamond jewellery, she was ready to tell _Batman _that _Wonder Woman had been noosed with her own lasso._

She was certain her plan was bullet proof, but Morelli had to spill the beans and tip Ranger off that Stephanie was-regrettably- alive and most likely suffering from dehydration, starvation and/or hypothermia (although the thought did make her smile).

The annoying part was Ranger now had his men searching for her and Joyce knew her name would be next on the list.

_Morelli has to go… He must pay for this…_

Joyce smirked as she drove in the direction to Morelli's house.

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After hiding her car 2 streets away, Joyce snuck around to the back door of the kitchen. Using the large diamond ring on her middle finger, she sliced the glass of the corner panel closest to the door handle. Sliding her hand through the gap, she pulled the bolt from the lock and let herself inside.

The hairy mutt Morelli and Plum both shared lay sprawled on his back in his bed, snoring loudly and licking his mouth in his sleep.

A knife next to the sink caught Joyce's attention. She smiled a malicious smile as she picked it up and examined the blade.

_Perfect…_

She went into the living room which was scattered with papers, files, dress shirts and odd pairs of shoes.

_Morelli hasn't been keeping his house in order…_ Joyce mused as she scanned the room.

Her eyes landed on the answering machine where a red blinking light flashed rapidly. She went over to it and saw it had saved one message.

Pursing her lips, Joyce pressed the play button.

_**Hey Joe, it's Stephanie…**_

Her mouth dropped.

_**I'm calling at Randy Briggs' new place. He found me in the forest and invited me to stay with him until I can go home.**_

_**We need to sort this whole thing out ASAP. Brigg's place is a bungalow on the outskirts of the forest. It's a couple of miles away from the road heading towards Red Bank.**_

_**Could you please tell Ranger where I am too? **_

_**Thanks.**_

The dial tone beeped and the machine shut itself off.

_Your punishment can wait Morelli…_Joyce thought as she went back into the kitchen. _I have got some unfinished business…_

.

.

.

"You sure you're gonna be okay here?"

"I'll be fine Briggs. You don't have to worry about me. Just remember to make sure Joe or Ranger know where I am."

Briggs nodded as he fastened his tie. "I'll get my PA to call them when I get to work."

Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "You have a PA?"

"Yeah, nice lady. Too tall for my liking though, I only hired her because she was the only one who could drive as well as talk. She should be here any minute now."

"Is there anything I can do while you're at work?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I have a house keeper who comes in once a week. She was already here on Monday." The sound of a car horn blared from outside. "My ride's here."

Stephanie saw him out the door while wishing him a good day. As soon as the car drove off, she closed the door and locked it.

Even though she was grateful towards Briggs, she couldn't help but feel homesick. She missed Rex scampering around in his aquarium, pigging out on doughnuts with Lula and Connie, listening to her grandmother ramble on about who died and who done it, her mother's cooking and constant fretting…_And Ranger…_

She felt tears brim in her eyes. How long would it be until she was him again?

.

.

.

"What the hell?!"

Joe gaped at the hole in the window of the back door after he flipped the switch of the coffee maker.

It had been a tiring night organising the search for Stephanie, but now his home had been broken in to?

He examined it closely; noticing how rough the edges of a crude circle gave him the idea that whoever let themselves in had used an alternative to a glass cutter.

But his thoughts were interrupted when the telephone rang in the living room. Joe went in and picked it up.

"Officer Morelli speaking."

"Hey Morelli! It's Randy Briggs."

Joe rolled his eyes. "Briggs…If you've got another-"

"No I ain't got anyone after me! I'm calling about Stephanie Plum."

He sighed. "_Don't start…_Briggs, she's missing. I've spent the last-"

"I knew you didn't get that message!" Briggs interrupted. "That's why I'm callin'; I know where she is!"

It was like all the fear and pain had vanished as a sweet sensation of relief filled his heart. "You do? Where is she? And-" Joe paused. "Hang on…What message?"

"The one Stephanie left for ya on ya answering machine. She's been stayin' with me for the past few days. She only knew your home number but she called the same day you took her into the forest."

Joe looked down at his answering machine. "There are no messages. My machine is empty…"

"It ain't broke is it?"

"No…" The relief was quickly filled with dread as he remembered the hole in the back door window. "Briggs, did she say where she was hiding in the message?"

"Yeah, why?"

_Shit…_

"When did you last see Stephanie?"

"This morning before I left for work."

His throat went dry. "…Is she alone at your place?"

"…Yeah."

_Oh crap! _Joe felt his insides knot in ropes of nausea as the phone protested against the grip he had on it. "Briggs, I need directions to your place now! Stephanie could be in danger as we speak!"

After scribbling down the location, Joe hung up and sprinted to his car whilst yanking out his cell phone to punch in a number he never liked to use.

"_Hello, Rangeman security." _

.

.

.

With nothing else to do, Stephanie decided to spend the rest of the day in front of the television.

She had prepared herself some snacks and set a couple of drinks on the coffee table before skimming through the channels.

An old TV Soap Opera had started to play when a loud thud made her jump.

Stephanie held her breath; listening hard. Her heart pounded frantically as her eyes darted around the room for anything she could use to defend herself.

A glass bowl filled with waxed fruit caught her attention.

She lunged for it as soon as she heard footsteps becoming louder and louder; she spilled the contents onto the floor just as Joyce Barnhardt entered the room.

The fear had turned to hatred.

"Barnhardt what the fuck is up with you?!" Stephanie exclaimed, bearing her teeth. "Destroying my marriage wasn't enough and now you want me dead?!"

Barnhardt smirked haughtily. "Oh please, Plum. We both know I did you a favour splitting you and _that dick _up."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah and I suppose you're here to do me another by slicing my heart out. How did you get in anyway?"

A smirk appeared on her pouty lips as she held up her right hand to flash a large diamond ring.

"I used this baby to get in through the back." Barnhardt started to advance on her. Stephanie tightened her grip on the bowl as she backed away. "And I have thought about cutting your heart out myself. But then I decided something more… _dire, _would be better; like killing you with my bare hands!"

"You could at least tell me why you decided to go psycho and suddenly want me dead. Seriously, what has gotten into you?!"

Barnhardt stopped moving and stood with a cold glare. "There are some things that people deserve or get what coming to them."

Stephanie blinked at her. _"What?"_

"And yet, there are some people who don't know what they_ don't deserve, _like…_a 6 foot muscled and down-right sexy Cuban-American bounty hunter!"_

"Whu-? You mean Ranger?" She gaped at her. "You want me dead because you're jealous of my relationship? _Cripes! _I knew you were a nasty and selfish bitch, but this is beyond low even for you! Jeez Barnhardt, I don't know what you get out of what you do, but wanting me dead because of my boyfriend? You are so pathetic. Get over yourself!"

Barnhardt narrowed her eyes and started for her again. "Oh, I will get over it…_when your 6 feet underground!" _

Without warning, she charged at Stephanie with her hands outstretched; aiming for her neck.

Stephanie flung the glass bowl with every bit of strength she could muster, but it missed inches past Barnhardt's head and smashed against the floor. Broken pieces scattered everywhere.

Barnhardt grabbed her by the throat and threw her towards the ground, but Stephanie wasn't going down unless she went with her as she sunk her nails into her sink; clinging on to her and sending them both down onto the floor.

Stephanie kicked her legs out violently as Barnhardt straddled her, quickly give up raking her nails into her flesh and started for her eyes; which were scrutinising something to their right...

Barnhardt reached over but before Stephanie could even glance to see why, Barnhardt held a red waxed apple above her face with a sadistic grin. _"An apple a day won't do you any good now, Plum!" _

With no time for her to prepare herself, Stephanie gagged as the apple was shoved into her mouth. Bits of wax scraped along her teeth and scratched the back of her throat as she tried to push it out with her tongue.

Barnhardt sniggered down at her with a malicious glint in her eye as she readjusted her hands around her neck.

_Oh god…no…I don't want to die…_

Stephanie felt all the strength slowly leave her body as her senses became muffled. Her fingers clawing at the hands pressing down on her windpipe became limp and feeble. Her legs stopped thrashing and lay sprawled at odd angles.

But then, as though as a small mercy, her arms hit the floor motionless at her sides before the world turned to darkness behind her closed eyes.

.

Joyce grinned at the unmoving Stephanie whose lips were slowly turning blue.

She stood up, headed towards the front door and unlocked it before letting herself out.

But after she closed it behind her, her eyes met with several pairs of angry glares.

Morelli, Ranger and a few Rangemen she recognised stood scowling at her with folded arms. Morelli, dressed in his police uniform, stepped forward; holding a pair of handcuffs.

"Joyce Barnhardt, you're under arrest for threatening to kill and blackmailing a police officer. You can either come quietly or make us perform unnecessary force."

Joyce glowered at him for a long moment before suddenly sprinting into a run. The Rangemen wasted no time in giving chase.

Ranger was about to do the same when Joe placed a hand on his arm. "I'll go after her. Stephanie needs you."

Ranger looked at him and gave a nod. "Thank you."

.

He wasted no time tearing into the house.

"Babe!" Ranger bellowed, looking anxiously around the room until his eyes landed on the splay of broken glass next to the unconscious Stephanie lying motionless on the floor in the far corner. "Stephanie!"

He hurried over and knelt by her side. The corners of her mouth were bleeding slightly as a waxed red apple gagged her while angry red fingers marks and fresh bruising stained her neck. She wasn't breathing; her lips had turned dark blue.

Ranger gripped the wax apple with a finger and thumb before carefully twisting it out of her mouth. After gently tilting her head upwards, he pinched her nose and placed his lips onto hers; breathing his own air into her lungs.

_1 breath…2 breaths…3 breaths…_

He pulled away to look at her face.

No response.

He placed his fingers on the base of her neck. Her pulse was barely beating.

Ranger placed his mouth over her again.

_1 breath…2 breaths….3 breaths…_

He looked at her again.

Nothing.

"_Please Babe…don't leave…."_

_1 breath…2 breaths…3 breaths…_

He pulled away just as Stephanie gave a loud gasp; her chest expanded with every lungful of air she desperately took.

After a few moments of catching her breath and violent coughing, her eyes opened; a few tears escaping as she looked at him.

"…_Ranger." _She whispered with a weak smile.

Ranger grinned. He placed a hand on her cheek and stroked it with his thumb. "I'm right here, Babe. You're safe now."

Stephanie's smile brightened. She placed her hand over his and reached her arm around his neck to thread her fingers through his hair.

Ranger lifted her up and cradled her against him with her head resting against his shoulder.

"I missed you." She whispered, gripping his shirt with her free hand.

"I missed you too. I was scared to death when you were missing.…" He pressed his lips to her forehead. "But Babe, do you know why Barnhardt went…._to all this trouble?"_

Stephanie looked up at him and shuddered slightly. "She was jealous of me because of us being together. She said I don't deserve you…"

He tilted her chin with one finger so their eyes locked. "You have no idea how wrong she is, Babe." Ranger pressed his lips to hers and engaged them in to a deep kiss. After they parted for breath, he gazed down at her with his warm brown orbs. "_We belong together; no matter what and nothing will ever become between us." _

Stephanie felt her heart melt at his harmonious words as he stood up with her still in his arms; her own wrapped around his neck.

She rested her head against his shoulder, their eyes never leaving each other's gaze as he carried her out the door.

"_I love you, Ranger."_

Ranger smiled and kissed her forehead. "_And I love you, Stephanie."_


End file.
